Asalaam, I’m just wondering as to how you can find a good wife, without even being able to touch a woman who isn’t mahram?
It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yassaar said: the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him.”
I’m wondering as to how you can find a good partner in todays day and age without even being able to touch them, not going as far as sex, but just touching. I mean, a partner would ideally be there for life, and be able to provide for and raise your children as well as have a permanent connection with you. Under the pretense that you cannot touch them, is it not the same as marrying a total stranger that you’d only be able to know through a brief conversation and vouches from family members? If so, it’s very easy for them to lie or have a concealed bad intention. Why can’t you get to know them personally before you mate for life, and then be completely comfortable with your decision of marriage?
I’m not questioning the hadith or the ruling, I’m just asking as to why it exists and the context behind it – and a solution to the problem I just explained. Also I’m not really aware as to how you marry someone, other than meeting {her} father and having a monitored interview as well as your female family members getting to know her.
Although some people do arranged marriages where they marry barely knowing the other person, this is not the Islamic method. You can absolutely get to know your potential before marriage, as long as their wali is involved. You should get to know her directly through meetings as well as indirectly through their family, friends, community, your research on them. Never underestimate the indirect approach as there are things you can figure out this way that you may not figure out through direct conversation.
Your goal is to figure out if there is a compatibility between your faith, values, and interests. And whether she is mature enough and understands marriage and its responsibilities. Once you are 80-100% sure about marrying her you can do the marriage contract and get to know her even more before moving in together. Or if you're both very sure, you can move in together right away.
The most important thing is that you know what you want in a wife. And you need to understand your own self well. Otherwise it will be hard for you to choose the right partner, whether you do it the halal way or haram western way, it makes no difference.
When it comes to the western way, people go into it not knowing who they are and what they truly want, so they end up experimenting, and in the process hurt themselves and others. The islamic way, if approached properly, prevents that alhamdullilah. Also, istikhara throughout the process is extremely important as Allah knows the unseen and can direct you to what best for you.