One of the most fundamental necessities of a good marriage is حسن الظن:

Having a good assumption of your spouse.

Giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt.

Assuming a default assumption of good, of benevolence, of sincerity.

Whenever a situation could be interpreted either as positive or as negative, always choose the positive.

In my experience of dealing with married couples, talking to hurt spouses, and informally mediating between fighting husbands and wives, this has stood out to me as one of the biggest sources of problems: the husband assuming ill of his wife and the wife assuming ill of her husband.

If the wife attributes bad intentions to her husband, then immediately every word he says and every action he does will be seen by her in the worst light, since she’s already determined his evil intentions.

If the husband has already preemptively decided that his wife has bad intentions, then anything she does– good, bad, or neutral– will automatically be interpreted by him as malicious.

The marriage will, inevitably, collapse.

Without trust and basic good faith, there is no marriage.

The marriage will dissolve in a series of wild accusations and unfounded suspicions and negative assumptions, and these are the words that the spouses will hurl at one another:

“You just like to pick fights!”

“You love drama!”

“You meant to do that!”

“No you didn’t do that for me, you did it for you!”

“You know you’re lying!”

“You meant it as an insult and you know it!”

“You did it deliberately because you knew it would hurt me!”

“You don’t care about my feelings!”

“Obviously you’re trying to screw me over like you always do!”

“You always try to hurt me!”

This is simply one person assigning a specific intention to another.

But no one can know what’s in the hearts except Allah. No one knows the intentions except Allah. No one knows the unseen (الغيب, al-ghayb) except Allah.

Forgetting this basic truth is the downfall of a happy marriage.

Wives, think well of your husbands.

Husbands, think well of your wives.

Shaytan fans the flames of bad assumptions (سوء الظن) until the whole marriage burns down.

May Allah bless us with strong marriages and happy relationships and stable families, ameen!
~Umm Khalid