“So you want a righteous man? But do you know what that means? It means he won’t take you out on your birthday. He won’t celebrate anniversaries. He will want you to cover according to the Qur’an & Sunnah. He won’t allow you to attend those free mixed weddings. He won’t allow you to go out and come home at any hour of the day you please. He won’t allow you to keep your non practicing and evil friends. He will expect you to seek knowledge as that’s what he will be upon. He won’t allow you to work with men, nor will he let you upload selfies online, whether in Niqāb or not, because he’s a real man & he has Ghayrah (protective jealousy). So when you fantasize over beards & trousers above the ankles & say you want to marry a man of the sunnah, know that you must be a woman of the sunnah. So when you dream of a man who will wake you up for Tahajjud, know that you yourself must be a woman who prays the nights. When you pray for a man who will guide you on the path to Paradise, you must first have recognized that path and already taken the steps to tread it. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning)

“Wicked women (are) for wicked men, and wicked men (are) for wicked women; and good women (are) for good men, and good men (are) for good women.” [An Noor] 

Don’t fantasize about Ghayrah and then get shocked when you realize that it means that he’s not okay with your lifestyle of leaving the home for merely passing the time and he’s not okay with you baiting out your whole personality online. Don’t fantasize about a knowledgeable husband and then be rebellious and upset when he expects you to act upon that knowledge. Don’t fantasize about a righteous man while you have least or no understanding of what a righteous man means, and what will he do. This issue is also with men seeking for righteous wives, but often you see women who ask for righteous husbands but have a completely different perception of them, this is because their level of knowledge of Islam is less. 

Things like this don’t just come. Social media hypes up the idea of marriage through these disgusting couple selfies or even couples giving “dawah” & what not & you think that’s all that marriage is? Couple selfies, women doing tabarujj and husband being a dayyooth, allowing the whole public display of affection, all of this isn’t what marriage is, if this is the type of marriage you want then don’t call yourself righteous or that you are seeking for someone righteous. There’s no doubt people are bound to sin, but if you can’t deal with major sins which should be left off first and are okay with doing them, then how can you think of yourself as righteous, if you don’t accept advice from people who advise you to stop doing such acts of major sins like tabarujj and being a dayyooth, then how are you on the right path, just say that you need someone who is a liberal muslim, as your spouse, don’t say you need someone righteous. Because a righteous woman will support her husband in goodness and righteousness and won’t take it as a mean or hurtful thing if her husband corrects her, advises her and makes her do righteous things. On the other hand a righteous husband will teach his wife and correct her on mistakes, and be patient with her but wouldn’t compromise the religion for her unislamic demands and for her love.

We look at the marriage of Aisha رضي الله عنها with the Prophet ﷺ & we all love the idea of it, but are we willing to give that? Aisha رضي الله عنها narrated that 3 months would go by & they would not eat a thing other than dates & water [Sahih Bukhari].” 

If you aren’t amongst the women who are thankful to Allah and aren’t content with whatever Allah provides you with, then how do you expect a married life in accordance with Islam. 

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.” [Sahih al-Bukhari 29]

If you romantacize about a lovey dovey married life, but aren’t able to follow the great female companions of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassalam, who were his wives or the wives of companions etc, then don’t expect your married life to go smooth with your husbands who are willing to learn more and implement more and who strive their best to leave sins and tell you to do the same, while you find all what your husband does as being, boring, annoying, repulsive, torturous, exhausting, toxic, nightmarish, being dominant, being assertive, being extreme, someone who has imprisoned you or is taking away your wings of freedom towards your haraam desires. If all this negative emotions come to your mind for your husband, when all he does is follow the Quran and sunnah, and calls you to it and commands you to it, then you are not a worthy wife and won’t be for such a man, you will be amongst the ungrateful wasting his time and you are the one who will be making his life hell, either you change for the good which is what you should or you should not dream of such a marriage only to make him suffer or play victim cards with him.

You can be a woman who might find the kind of husband who is less religious or barely religious or to your perspective as much as you want him to be, and that may make you happy or content with your married life, but you and your husband won’t be better than the married couples who follow the prophet sallallahu alayhi wassalam and his wives in how they dealt with their married lives, and you won’t be pleasing Allah, as much as the married couples who try their best to please Allah and they are the ones who are the examples of righteousness, and they will be happy with their married life more than the ones who have foundations of their married life based on enjoying sins and haram desires only, especially the major sins. So you might be happy temporarily, but not on the same level of those who follow the Quran and sunnah upon the understanding of the salaf in matters of marriage. And happiness doesn’t equate that you have pleased Allah, because there are sinners who are happy with their sinful life and content with it, and if Allah has left the sinners to their own world, then it’s a sad plight because Allah has abandoned such people, and if he hasn’t abandoned such people then he will test them with trials, punishments etc, to sort them and guide them to goodness, and to check their patience and imaan, and they won’t be content and happy with their married lives.

And Allah knows best.