Salamalaikum, truly Allah has given each individual their own strengths and weaknesses. Some people are naturally more patient than others, those others will need to work on developing this important quality. Here is a list of ways one can develop patience.
Pretend to be patient and Allah will grant you true patience
First and foremost, we need to understand that patience is a quality we must work towards and cannot expect ourselves to miraculously gain it one day. Practice is key, so fake patience around others even if you feel bothered inside.
Narrated Abu Said Al Khudri: Some Ansari persons asked for (something) from Allah’s Apostle and he gave them. They again asked him for (something) and he again gave them. And then they asked him and he gave them again till all that was with him finished. And then he said “If I had anything, I would not keep it away from you. (Remember,) whoever abstains from asking others, Allah will make him contented, and whoever tries to make himself self-sufficient, Allah will make him self-sufficient. And whoever remains patient, Allah will make him patient. Nobody can be given a blessing better and greater than patience.”
[Sahih – Al-Bukhari – Book 24 Hadith 548]
Put yourself in the midst of people, do not hide
You will not learn patience unless you put yourself in a challenging environment. Staying in the comfort of your home will not help you. Know that the benefit of mixing with people outweighs the harms (unless it is a sinful environment which we should stay far from). If you feel like you’re not benefitting then perhaps you should be the one to benefit others. The issue of not benefitting can also stem from your mindset, in order to benefit you should look for the benefit. Dont expect to miraculously benefit.
“The believer who mixes with people and is patient with their harm has a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people, nor is patient with their harm.”
[Sahih – Sunan Ibn Mājah – 4032]
Be self-sufficient
Aim to do everything yourself and dont have high expectations from anyone but Allah, otherwise you will be disappointed. Coming from one of the above sayings by our prophet SAW,
“…whoever abstains from asking others, Allah will make him contented, and whoever tries to make himself self-sufficient, Allah will make him self-sufficient…”
It’s not always that others lack care, but that people are busy with their lives. It is difficult to meet the expectations of everybody.
Understand and be content with Allah’s decree
Whether you lose a friend or they fail to deliver on their promise, understand that it is the decree of Allah. What is meant will be and what it not meant will never reach you or will never last. Move on, and appreciate and work with what you do have.
“Know that whatever happens to you could never miss you, and whatever misses you could never reach you.”
[Sahih – al-Mu’jam al-Kabīr – 11/123]
Have a positive outlook and think well of others
Don’t look for the flaws in others, and make excuses for their errs. But do it for the sake of Allah and do not expect others to return the favor. You can however expect Allah to stand up for you if others mistreat or think bad of you.
Abu Huraira reported: A man reviled Abu Bakr while the Prophet SAW was sitting down. That made the Prophet impressed by Abu Bakr and he smiled. Then, Abu Bakr reviled the man with the same words as him and the Prophet became angry and he stood to leave. Abu Bakr went to the Prophet and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, the man reviled me and you were sitting, but when I responded you became angry and stood up.” The Prophet said, “Verily, there was an angel with you responding on your behalf, but Satan appeared when you responded with the same words as him and I will not sit in the presence of Satan.”
[Musnad Aḥmad – 9411]
Be forgiving, you are not above others
You’ve hurt and disappointed someone before, whether knowingly or not, but that didn’t make you a bad person. We all make mistakes and need to remember that others do as well. Strive to show mercy to others and Allah will increase His mercy towards you. Our prophet SAW said:
“Be merciful to others and you will receive mercy. Forgive others and Allah will forgive you.”
[Sahih – Musnad Aḥmad – 6541]
It’s a test from Allah
Finally, understand that you are being tested with how you deal with others when they offend you. Tests benefit us in improving our faith and character, and if we embrace them, will ultimately help us succeed in this world and the after.
“We have made some of you a trial for others. Will you ˹not then˺ be patient?”
[Quran 25:20]